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ROLE PLAYING & FANTASY

Role Playing (Emphasis on Play) 

Role playing provides a way to break out of your own limited concept of yourself and explore new attitudes and behaviors, sexually and emotionally. Children do a version of this creative process all the time when they play. 

Exploring New Roles

Choose the quality or qualities that you think describe you. Then visualize the opposite trait in the space next to it. Are you: 

Explosive

Tough

Vampy

Expressive

Stoic

Flirty

Emotional

Passive

Aggressive

Quiet

Frenetic

Modest

Flamboyant

Withdrawn

Overt

Gentle

Assertive

Sad

Angry

Joyous

Retiring 

Calm

Fluent

Free

Rigid

Strong

Tense

 

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Soft

Hard

Loud

Afraid

Intense

Timid

Old

Youthful

Fiery 

Wired

Mild

Regimented

Delicate

Efficient

Messy

Tender

Relaxed

Superior

Sensitive

Tactile

Outspoken

Fragile

Colorful

Earthy

Mellow

Other... 

In a safe environment such as your room in your home or a private work space, develop a new role: Of yourself, acting out your opposite trait(s). Become this different person. Embody these new traits. Be fearless and free – you are only playing! Get completely into this role through the way you move, dress, and speak.  

For example: “Usually I’m passive and listen patiently to other people’s problems. I wait for others to initiate, and my partners usually lead sexually. I dress neatly and quietly, and display soft, non-threatening body language. My animal is a small owl; my colors are soft mauve and faded lavender. 

In my new role, I wear relaxed clothes,  and talk about my concerns. I’m a bold physical presence who moves decisively. I'm a dancing Goddess - I’m  a tiger! My colors are dark purple, fiery red, and gold.”

Be aware of the qualities of movement and emotion you experience when playing different roles.

When you are ready, you can also choose to interact with other people whom you trust while embodying these new traits.  

Sometimes it is surprising what you can learn from this experience: you may be more comfortable with new qualities than you expected, and you may become more empathetic towards people who you thought were your opposite. 

Applying this to sex can be very liberating, and help shake you out of rote behavior patterns  that were stifling your sexual creativity. At the same time sexual role playing is like any other role playing; a space and time to explore new approaches to how you feel and behave.

Imagine a role that appeals to you and act it out. If you're usually passive and unassuming, be forthright and direct about your desires. If you usually wear loud, erotic clothes that sculpt your body to signal your partner, try wearing something subtly sensual instead. If you usually lie on your back during sex and long for things you don't ask for, get off your back, get active, and ask!

Costumes are fun. Scenarios are fun. Gender fluidity and switching is fun. Use your imagination and play!

Submission? Domination? Bondage?

 

" I own an escort and sex-worker service. Over the years it has consistently been clear to me   that the people who seek submissive - or just relaxed, receptive roles with my employees - have dominant work or life roles; CEO, top military brass, business owners - people who weld decision making power all day long. They want to play a different role entirely when they come to us, and don't feel safe showing this side of themselves anywhere else. And people who don't have power on their jobs often want to play a role where they're the one in control."- Jewel

Some people want to play at being dominated, or submissive, or bound and in another person's control. All these roles can be very erotic and are fine as long as they're practiced with mutual respect, trust, specified boundaries, and clear communication. There must ALWAYS a safe word that means STOP during play, and it must always be complied with.

Healthy role playing exercises do not encompass behaviors that cause emotional or physical harm to you or to other people. Being free to express new roles does not remove your responsibility to treat your partner and yourself with care and fundamental respect.
 

Reclaiming Fantasy

It is the internalized "voice of authority" that robs us of fantasy: the voice of the parent, the teacher, or another weighty outside influence who tells us to stop dreaming and to suppress our imaginations. 

 

This is intensely poignant when it comes to our sexuality, because without the capacity for sexual fantasy - to freely use our erotic imagination - our ability to enjoy sex is diminished, sometimes a great deal. To overcome this obstructive inner censor, we need to reclaim the right to fantasize freely.

Betty Dodson

Sexual Fantasy 101 

Create a pleasurable, private, safe environment. Turn off the phone. Turn down the lights. Surround yourself with sounds, scents and textures that please you.

 

Lie in a comfortable position on a bed, mat, or rug, or however you feel comfortable.

  

Breathe deeply. Allow your breath to sink into your belly and groin, relaxing you.

 

Focus on a fantasy that you enjoy: Perhaps you’re lying naked on a surf board feeling the water swirl around you; or you’re dancing in a volcano of passionate desires; you’re sweaty and entangled with a person you’ve always desired; or simply quietly enjoying the subtle warmth of the sun on your bare skin while you lie on soft grass, or warm sand.

 

Caress your body pleasurably. Don’t worry about arousing yourself to orgasm; just touch your body any way that feels good.

 

Your fantasy can be gentle and tender, or hot and wild, or both - whatever suites you! Where do you want the fantasy to go? It’s entirely up to you.

 

Notice if you begin to restrict or censor yourself, or worry about whether your fantasy is okay to have. Do you stop breathing comfortably when your fears arise? Use your breath to relax you while you affirm yourself and give yourself permission to go a bit farther into the fantasy.

 

When you have taken the fantasy as far as you want to, just tune into your breathing for a while.

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Next stop? Sharing fantasies!

Share good ones with your friends for fun. Share your favorites with your lover - and act them out!

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Write a fantasy scenario you'd like to enact with your partner. Share it with them. Fill out the fantasy in every way you can. Costumes, names, environment. Play and let your imagination roam!

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Sources of Fantasy

Want some inspiration? Look into erotic literature, videos, and erotic art and poetry. Draw on your own memories and creativity. What erotica do you respond to?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Artist above: Betty Dodson

Or - how about creating your own erotica?

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Top three photographs from www.kozzi.com

All other Photographs from Wikipedia Commons

Boryeong Mud Festival girls" by Stinkie Pinkie from Ocean Grove . New Jersey, USA - Mud Fest 2008Uploaded by High Contrast. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons -  "Dominatrix Posing" by Morgan Sherwood from San Francisco (CA), USA - Alexi St Clair teaser. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons   "Woman whipped at Folsom Street Fair 2010" by Franco Folini - Flickr: Folsom Street Fair. Licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons -  Woman and Swan by Betty Dodson 

 
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