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Sagit: "A spinal injury left me with erectile ability but compromised bowel control. At any time, my bowels can just let go. I dreaded the potential embarrassment during sex so much that I avoided any sexual involvement for a long time. When I finally did get sexually active, I was quietly worried every second in bed that it was going to happen, which made it impossible to be relaxed or trusting with my partner. Of course, eventually it did happen, and what a disaster! I never saw that person again.

It was tough: I wanted to see people, to have relationships, but I felt repulsive.

Finally I talked to my physical therapist about it. She suggested that I tell any potential lover in advance about my physical condition and talk it over with them before attempting sex. We worked on my attitude toward the natural bowel functions of my body, and she taught me some breathing and relaxation techniques so I wouldn’t tense up and get nervous during sex. She also lent me some great poop jokes to crack in case it happened.

When my attitude changed, everything changed. It took a while, but I found a fantastic partner. My occasional bowel accidents are just a part of my normal life now, not a looming threat."

Coral: "After my mastectomy, I felt very vulnerable about the way my scar looked. My husband really couldn’t accept the way I looked, which hurt me terribly. After we divorced, I realized a lot of things had always been missing from our relationship.

Fortunately, I found a partner who was passionate about me. I knew I was desirable to her; more than that, I knew she was proud of me for fighting cancer. We found sexual positions that didn’t put a strain on my weak arm, too. Lying on my unscarred side works best. And that way I can look into her beautiful eyes."

Misha: "My cancer treatment necessitated the removal of my penis. So I thought: that’s it for sex, right? I asked my wife if she wanted a divorce. I mean, who wants to be stuck in a sexless marriage? Who wants to inflict that on someone you love?

She asked me why, and when I told her, she was furious. She told me no way, and that we were going to find a way to keep sex up front and center in our lives as always. To my amazement, when she caressed my penile stump, I had an orgasm – and even ejaculated through my urinary opening. Wow! Who knew? It seems enough nerve and erectile tissue were left to do the job.

Now sex is great – different, in ways, but great. Better than before, because we’re closer."

Jamal: "The hard thing for me after an IED took my legs was letting my lady take on a more active sexual  role. I was always the active aggressor before, on top during sex in more ways than one, and I had to learn more about receiving. It was hard to let go of my ego and sense of macho, to accept that being together in a loving, intimate way where she was on top and more active could be okay. I'm still groping for this new place that lets me enjoy being given to sexually. Another surprise - I always thought she liked being passive but I think she really likes the role sharing. She's expressing herself more now."


 Isha: "Though after my mastectomy I lost most sensation in my right breast after surgery, my left breast compensated by becoming ultra-sensitive. The slightest blowing, tickling, or air temperature change causes a seismic reaction! I thought it was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but I probably never would have experienced this level of exquisitely concentrated erotic pleasure if not for the operation. Who would have guessed there would be a silver lining like this?" 


Savon: "After a very bad car accident I couldn't have vulva-centered sex anymore. Too much scarring. To my absolute amazement prolonged caressing, breast and mouth stimulation brought me to total body orgasm. Fantastic, satisfying, emotionally fulfilling orgasm - and intimacy. I guess I'm really NOT defined by my genitals."


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